I really don’t… recommend… this.. one…

Hmph. I’m in a strange, exhausted mood, which would imply that it’s unwise for me to blog. However, I’m just exhausted enough to ignore my inner urgings not to post. I thought about deleting my blog, since very few people read it anymore, but for that same reason, I feel I can post whatever sounds good at the moment. And yes, chances are that I’ll delete it later.
For the record, I shouldn’t be taken seriously, because I haven’t slept well in weeks. The last week was worse than most, and when I exist on no solid sleep, my brain turns to mush, my energy is sapped, and I appear generally furious with the world. I’m not; it just looks that way, on account of me having one of those faces that looks snobby if I’m not being ridiculously smiley.
My brain is also rather fuzzy, with plenty of unclear thoughts floating around. I am hoping that getting them out on paper (or in this case “the screen”) will clear the cobwebs enough to make room for a little energy. If that is successful, I plan to do dishes, tidy up my room, then go work out with the punching bag… Meghann and Wes bought me hand wraps for my birthday. Yay for unbruised and not bleeding knuckles. Of course, with the way I’m feeling at the moment, simply getting the room part of that done will be a near-miracle.
Here it comes… the rash of observations that are both unnecessary, and likely untrue. Also a few questions, simply because a contemplative mood has grasped me.
1. Is there a time when you can look back on months in which you were going through hard times without flinching? Or, in my case, speeding through those remembrances, those journal entries, those blog posts, those songs. I think the fear of pain crashing back in keeps me speeding.
2. Marshmallow fondant is the new…well… fondant. I used my birthday as an excuse to make some. And eat LOTS.
3. Birthdays really are much better when you stretch them across as wide a span as possible. This year I managed four whole days. Triumph!
4. Are there any new good music artists out there? Please, shoot them my direction.
5. This post has stretched on much further than it should have, therefore, I’m ending it abruptly, and ungracefully. Au revoir.

Well, well, well. Here we come to another week. I must admit, the thought of posting to my blog leaves me feeling rather drained. But then, so does the thought of… moving… or working out… or anything that requires more than a minimal amount of energy. For some reason, lately sleep has NOT been my friend. It could be the result of several years of simply terrible sleep patterns, but I really prefer not to delve too much into that theory.
I woke up this morning, and my first thought was, “What do I have to do today? What? Nothing? Really?” Enter: Big Smile and Happy Plans. This week has been busier than normal, or maybe I just accomplished more than normal. Monday: Rachel’s house. Tuesday: Early-ish Morning coffee, piano stuff, shopping interlude, book stuff, friends and frozen yoghurt. Wednesday: All day long party. Issaquah, Snoqualmie Falls, Closet-fixing, movies, driving and loud music. Thursday: Getting Things Done. Dinner with people. Excellent. Today was simply a day of “whatever I wants” after getting the important stuff done. Rather nice and leisurely. Now I’m settled with a lovely VENTI!!!!!!! (thank you starbucks for acknowledging my existence and birthday) caramel macchiato, and think it should round out the evening quite nicely, especially when followed by an hour or so of piano. The immaculate vanilla candle scented room waiting for me adds yet another aspect of cheerfulness. (Another thing we won’t explore is my previous stupidity with said  jar candle. Suffice it to say it burned all night… we won’t say where, lest it expose me to unnecessary ridicule.)  And, since I’m feeling cheerful on this cloudy day, I have to put up a poem that I once had memorized but has since escaped me. Thank goodness for google. (and Longfellow)
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The Rainy Day
by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 – 1882)

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.
My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.
Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

I lied. I couldn’t stay away for two whole weeks this time. Two whole months away from facebook, I could manage. But to actually plan  to take two weeks away from my blog is simply, well, unheard of and unlikely.
Typically when I’m chronically enjoying something, I have to share it with the world, so that they can of course try it out as well. It’d be simply awful to keep all that happiness to myself, and of course if I like something, then it would only follow that everyone else would… right? Well, perhaps not. But it’s a happy idea at least.
Anyhow….  What’s on my mind is books and devotionals. And music. And tea. (the former are taking up much more space than the latter, I can assure you.)
I recently started a book called Heroes, by Iain Murray. I got it from my papa for Christmas. (I have a book list that I constantly update. Currently it’s stuck to my bulletin board with a geronimo dart thing, so it’s the most prominent display if he ever is looking for it. {not that I have a birthday coming up or anything……….} ) Pardon me for the digression. It’s comprised of several biography-esque small sections. That is, instead of writing all about George Whitefield’s life, it takes a predominating theme and expands on it. For example: “George Whitefield and Christian Unity” addresses largely Whitefield’s effect on the Great Awakening and the church in promoting true catholicity. Apparently Whitefield did quite a bit to help reconcile varying denominations to each other’s existence. Obviously not totally, but much more than they were before. It actually reminds me of the motto for FIRE (fellowship of independent reformed evangelicals), which is “In essentials, unity; In nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity.” That being said, I’m currently working through “Jonathan Edwards: The Man and the Legacy.” It helps to have a full biographical background already in mind, so I’m enjoying this one a bit more than Whitefield, to be honest. Next up: John Newton: ‘A Wonder to Myself’. I highly recommend it.
The other is one I’ve been touting to, well, pretty much everyone I meet. I apologize if I already mentioned it here. Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong, by John MacArthur. So far, it’s been dousing me with oodles of conviction. Therefore, I’m taking it in small doses. (Not because I shy away from being convicted about more than one thing at a time; rather, because it gives me more time to think, consider, and dwell on one issue at a time. My poor brain can’t handle much more than that.) This one may make my top ten of 2010 book list. (do i have to finish it in 2010 to count it on that list??)
The third and final recommendation comes in the form of an excerpt. You’re already familiar with the book, as I use it all the time here. Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening. I loved this particular one, because the other night it was exactly what I needed to hear to get my mind and heart on track, and be focusing on a glorious truth that sometimes is overlooked. It was encouraging, and brought my thoughts to where they needed to be—On Christ, and dwelling with Him, rather than on myself and the temporal earth, the things that pass away.

Evening, January 10.
“In my flesh shall I see God.” – Job 19:26
Mark the subject of Job’s devout anticipation-- “I shall see God.” He does not say, “I shall see the saints”—though doubtless that will be untold felicity – but, “I shall see God.” It is not -- “I shall see the pearly gates, I shall behold the walls of jasper, I shall gaze upon the crowns of gold,” but “I shall see God.” This is the sum and substance of heaven, this is the joyful hope of all believers. It is their delight to see Him now in the ordinances by faith. They love to behold Him in communion and prayer; but there in heaven they shall have an open and unclouded vision, and thus seeing “Him as He is,” shall be made completely like Him. Likeness to God – what can we wish for more? And a sight of God—what can we desire better? Some read the passage, “Yet, I shall see God in my flesh,” and find here an allusion to Christ, as the “Word made flesh,” and that glorious beholding of Him which shall be the splendour of the latter days. Whether so or not it is certain that Christ shall be the object of our eternal vision; nor shall we ever want any joy beyond that of seeing Him. Think not that this will be a narrow sphere for the mind to dwell in. It is but one source of delight, but that source is infinite. All His attributes shall be subjects for contemplation, and as He is infinite under each aspect, there is no fear of exhaustion. His works, His gifts, His love to us, and His glory in his purposes, and in all His actions, these shall make a theme which will be ever new. The patriarch looked forward to this sight of God as a personal enjoyment. “Whom mine eye shall behold, and not another.” Take realizing views of heaven’s bliss; think what it will be to you. “THINE eyes shall see the King in His beauty.” All earthly brightness fades and darkens as we gaze upon it, but here is a brightness which can never dim, a  glory which can never fade -- “I shall see God!”

I hope you have a lovely day.

I do beg your pardon for the amount of time elapsed since I last blogged. I really have very little in the way of excuses, except for one: the computer didn’t work. If the word “malware” means anything to you, I hope you understand and feel my pain. After multiple friends made efforts to help extract the dratted thing, a friend of a friend finally fixed it… Not only did he clear five viruses, he also reinstalled the system to be running at full capacity—something about 64 bit rather than the previous 32 bit. Anyway. When I went to blog the other day, I was shocked to find that Live Writer was no longer installed on the laptop…. Enter gaping mouth and vacant expression, followed by many attempts to track down and reinstall the binary file. After this, of course, come the windows popping up and saying things like “First, you must install this program” and “Do you have service pack 2 installed?” Somehow or another I managed all the application juggling, and, as you see, have retrieved Live Writer and am utilizing it to the best of my ability. It is entirely out of the question to consider going back to blogging within the browser again. Much too inconvenient. Too many times, I’ve finished several shining paragraphs of monologue, only to accidentally click some button and see the words “We’re sorry, something went wrong” appear.
Anyway. I am taking a short-ish sabbatical from the internet and blogging. By “short-ish”, what I mean is “hopefully two weeks.” If you need me, please call my cell phone.
*disclaimer* the sabbatical may last longer than two weeks. If that is so, then you may safely assume that I have done one or more of the following:
1. Moved into a cabin in the woods somewhere by myself. (this is the most hopeful scenario in my opinion)
2. Deleted my blog (this is the least likely)
3. Been kidnapped by pirates and held for ransom on a lonesome island. (perhaps unlikely… but very good novel research.)
4. Run out of creativity. (that’s one of the current issues)
5. Been too busy to make time. (less likely, but still an option)
See ya in two weeks. Maybe.