Dignity, Always Dignity!!

I know, it's been weeks. And through those weeks, every time I typed in a web address other than my blog, I felt guilty. What was I thinking, neglecting it so?
However, I find myself plagued with a common problem... very little brain power geared toward creative genius. Therefore, what follows may be more than a little ugly. Forgive me, my friends, for my lack of finesse.
Lots of little things have been going on, which add up to a nice life, in my opinion. Catering jobs, babysitting, reading, hobbies, and my latest renewed fad-- a morning "run."
Dignity has eclipsed comfort. At least for me, this very A.M.. Rather than double over, gasping, I doggedly kept on running this morning, just until I was out of sight of the neighbors. Despite the burning lungs and aching side, I couldn't bring myself to walk, at least not while they could see me. Perhaps my pride will benefit my muscles at some point. When I turned that corner, what started out as a promising jog turned into a determined speed-walk. Surprisingly enough, only the last half block turned into a pleasant meander. This morning, though, was so lovely and blue (birds singing, etc) that it was pleasant to be outside, even for such an energetic pursuit. (Of course, now it's gray and rainy. Welcome to Washington) When I started out, all I could think was "I really should be sitting on the deck with a coffee, not slogging around the neighborhood in sweatpants." Oh yes, sweatpants and a (relatively cute) sweatshirt, even though I had to display plenty of fortitude under the disdainful glances of other joggers who were in their R.E.I. stretchy pants or spandex.
But anyway, I would greatly appreciate prayer-- tonight I am going to audition/interview for an accompanist job. It'd be once a week,  including performances, but it pays enough to cover more than insurance... which is precisely what I need. Also, it could lead to potential students. However, I'm not as good at sight reading and accompaniment as I am at other things, so I'll need ALL the prayer I can get!
As my aunt put it, I might wow them and be hired on the spot. My gut tells me that I'll be embarrassed in front of a choral group, and walk out trying to scrape together as much aplomb as possible....
And yet the motto remains... Dignity, Always Dignity!

Software. And its many hazards.

Once again, I find myself anxiously battling my computer. Well, not my computer. MY computer is always placid, docile, and overall endearing. Sometimes slow, but never stubborn and headstrong. So, technically, I am battling my mother’s computer. Even less fun. I am currently entangled in various software installations, most of which are not working. I would like to think that if I shake it or throw it very hard, it will immediately recognize me as boss, and stop this obstinate disagreeableness.
After trying multiple times to install Windows Live Messenger onto my poor abused, over used hard drive, I feel as if I am drowning in foreign terms, such as: .DLL files. Nvidia Network Access Manager. Malwares. Platform Manager. Clean Install. Plain Vanilla Version. BHOCITUS.DLL. Third Party Extensions.
I know what they all mean, but when I’ve seen them all so close together, it’s somewhat daunting.
Currently, I am experimenting with Windows Live Writer. We shall see if this blog post is really any easier to post, or any better looking than the other ones…
In the meantime, some pictures to experiment with…

Gibson, on fleeing temptation.

I know, I blogged just last night. And yet, I find myself here again, for the sole reason of posting another excerpt.
I really enjoyed today's words from my puritan devotional (Voices from the Past), so I decided to post parts of it.

"Lay aside... sin which clings so closely."

--Hebrews 12:1

At times temptation presses in with violent demands. To combat the power and force of these, we must prepare out hearts with strong antidotes beforehand. Fix your heart upon your true treasure, your fellowship with the Father and his Son Jesus Christ. Flee to God to hide you. Here the tempter cannot reach you. Be much in communion with God, and the devil will have little communication with you. If he does try, he will have little effect. The soul is secure under the deep, warm, and constant sense of God's being your all in all. What powerful ammunition this is against the assaults and incursions of the tempter. Take up your wings, O Christian, and fly away that you may be at rest (Isa 40:31). When the soul has taken its flights, O how easily does it soar above the smoke and dust of fleshly lusts! Rusty spots on cold metal disappear when it is heated and burns red hot. Get your heart on fire and you will be Elijah-like in a flaming chariot of holy longings after God. Love your dear Master, and you will not find a love for sin. Consider also that things morally good or evil are not so just because one is commanded and the other forbidden, but it is what they are essentially and unalterably. They are fixed in their natures. Bathe your soul with the everlasting beauty of holiness, and the horror and ugliness of all iniquity.... Watch how the tempter has taken advantage of you in the past. Make these searches daily and compare them to the eternal law of God. These considerations will greatly help in the prevention and cure for the sins which so easily best us.

--John Gibson, Puritan Sermons 1659-1689, I:92-96

To the Tenth Degree!

I decided to frantically jam in a short blog, as spending any more time on this than I have to seems ludicrous, especially when the sunlight is streaming through, and I can see hints of a lovely blue sky. The deck is calling my name, especially since I am already armed with a grande iced coffee. What a perfect way to spend midday!
Our triumphant squirrel hunter just came in-- apparently he got the disgusting rodent (masquerading as a squirrel)  twice with the bb-gun. Sadly, it's illegal to kill them with a real gun within the city limits. *sigh for sad things*
Today is another "Happy Fun Sunny Day", dare I say to the tenth degree. (hence the title) My meaning behind this-- Today is ten times more sunny, ten times more happy, and ten times more fun. (I realize that this is inconsistent with the mathematical rules, but pardon me-- enthusiasm overrules coloring inside the lines sometimes) I have my beautiful music playing, have accomplished things, and the rest of the day belongs to me-- at least until 7 o'clock, when John MacArthur preaches in the last session of the shepherd's conference. I had no idea, until the last three days, that you could get such uplifting, encouraging spiritual edification from a webcast. Live streaming is my new hero.

Well, I certainly didn't plan on being this brief, but the beauty outside is calling!
G'bye!

Today finds me rejoicing on many angles. Despite a few things that have been stressful, even painful, this has been a marvelous day. And it's not even over yet!

Papa was thrilled when I told him that we could watch the Shepherd's Conference live. Therefore, I took extra pains to make sure it would work for him. Part of that involved hauling my speakers out, to make the volume louder. The streaming volume wasn't so great, but hooked to my speakers, it took on epic proportions. One would have thought that John MacArthur was standing in our kitchen. (A wonderful thing, to be sure! I would love to meet him. There are very few pastors I admire and respect as I do him. The Lord has used him in powerful ways.)
Hearing three thousand men singing "Crown Him With Many Crowns," accompanied by a symphony orchestra was phenomenal, in a musical sense, but more moving than anything else. MacArthur's first message was centered around separating the church from the world. He especially emphasized the folly in many of today's churches, of trying to embrace the culture, or make unbelievers feel "comfortable" in churches.  As much as I'd love to re-cap the whole thing, with my own editorial, I'll just assume you can listen to it yourself online later.
I am looking forward to the next few days.

Between sessions, I meandered off on a long walk. Lovely day for it. Oddly enough, my feet took me to Starbucks. I was helpless to stop. (on a side note, have I ever mentioned that the first sip of a peppermint mocha is like biting into an Ande's mint? Yum.)  As I mentioned on facebook, I am amazed at the clarity of thought solitude can bring. Also, I never cease to be surprised at how entertaining it can be to sit in starbucks and simply watch people. Of course, I did more than just watch people. I read the journal of Esther Edwards Burr. Esther was Jonathan Edwards' daughter, and began her journal when she was ten. Even at that young age, her writing shows a maturity and spiritual awareness that few have.
I was amazed at how caught up in her life I got, simply by reading her short, far between journal entries. I found myself smiling when she rejoiced, and nearly cried when her words described the tragedies that hit their family. (Thankfully, the fact that I was in a public place prevented me from being a total emotional wreck.)
Another thing I noticed, and will spend more time on, is that no matter how many griefs hit their family, the various members remained steadfastly faithful, and sought their comfort in the goodness of God.

Jerusha Edwards, when she was seventeen, was often around David Brainerd, who spent much time in the Edwards home. Eventually, they had an understanding. Esther wondered if he only wanted Jerusha because she would make an excellent missionary, and supported his work with the Indians, but it seemed that there was a very real affection between them, which makes their story more tragic. After spending nineteen weeks ill in the Edwards household, Brainerd died. He was taken care of and nursed by Jerusha in his last days. Five months after he died, Jerusha passed on as well. She was 18 years old.
Here is Esther's account of those two events:

Northampton, Oct. 9, 1747

 The sainted sufferer of the house, our temporary guest, our brother in the Lord, has at length, breathed his last. He called us all to his bedside, and tenderly talked of his going, and bade us, when we stand by his grave, to remember his words. He expressed himself ready to part with us all. "For to depart and be with Christ, was far better." To our Jerusha, his long-time nurse, who has watched and almost felt every pain of his poor racked body, for many months, he said: "Dear Jerusha, are you willing to part with me? I am quite willing to part with you. Though if I thought I should not see you and be happy with you in another world, I could not bear to part with you. But we will spend a happy eternity together." And so he had his message for each one of us all, and then fell asleep.

Northampton, Oct. 12, 1747

...Dear Jerusha's illuminated face was a study. She was rapt up no more in the living. It seemed as though her soul, liberated from earth, was already mounting up to holy communion with the spirits of the just made perfect, of whom not one of the great congregation could doubt, Mr. Brainerd was now one. And when came the words: "Are we not tending upward too, As fast as time can move? Nor would we wish the hours more slow, To keep us from our love!" it seemed to me as though she saw heaven open, the golden gates lifted up and was only waiting for angel wings to mount there. She is not long for this world. For exactly nineteen weeks, day and night, she has cared for this sick man; and she only eighteen.

 Northampton, Feb. 14, 1748

This day our dear Jerusha died at eighteen. If as she and her sainted David, and we all believe, she be gone to her Father's House, she has already joined the holy company, of which he since last October has been one. They have been separated only five months. Though I doubt, whether he has ever been absent from her thought and longing love....And so we shall lay the frame of this ministering angel side by side with that of the man, who breathed out his life almost in her arms....Now they can say in concert, "My beloved is mine, and I am His!"

The next sad thing to happen to their family was the voting of the council to remove Jonathan Edwards from his church

Northampton, January

.....Nothing could be more beautiful than the manner in which Mr. and Mrs. Edwards have submitted to the decision of the Council with its majority of only one, recommending our removal from this place....

In 1752, Esther married Rev. Burr of Newark, President of the New Jersey College. In 1757, he died, leaving her with two children.

Princeton, Oct. 7, 1757

My loss, shall I attempt to describe it? God only can know. What can be written to set forth the affliction of a poor disconsolate widow and two fatherless ones? I have lost all that could be desired in a creature. I have lost all that I ever set my heart on, in this world. In his eulogium, Gov. Livingston said: "Cease not to weep and angel, whom you loved as a man." Oh, I am afraid I shall conduct myself so as to bring dishonor to my God and the religion I profess. No, let me rather die, this moment. I am overcome. To God only will I carry my complaint. I will speak it to His glory, that I think He has in an uncommon degree discovered Himself to be an all-sufficient God, a full fountain of good. 

She went on to write a letter to her father, parts of which I have included:

One evening, in talking of the glorious state my dear departed husband must be in, my soul was carried out in such large desires after that glorious state, that I was forced to retire from the family to conceal my joy. When alone, I was so transported, and my sould carried out in such eager desires after perfection and the full enjoyment of God, and to serve Him uninterruptedly, that I think my nature would not have borne much more. I think, that night I had a foretaste of Heaven....I beg leave to add my need of the earnest prayers....but that God would constantly grant me new supplies of divine grace.

Here is part of  Edwards' reply to her:

Indeed, He is a faithful God; He will remember His covenant forever; and never will fail them that trust in Him. But don't be surprised as though some strange thing had happened to you, if after this lights, clouds of darkness should return. Perpetual sunshine is not usual in this world, even to God's true saints...

The next year, Edwards himself died. I know I have posted this letter before, but I had to add it again. This is the letter that Sarah Edwards wrote to Esther.

My Dear Child:

A holy and a good God has covered us with a dark cloud... The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we have had him for so long. But, my God lives and He has my heart. O what a legacy my husband and your father has left us. We are all given to God, and there I am, and love to be. 

Your ever affectionate mother, 

                            Sarah Edwards

Sixteen days after her father died, Esther Edwards Burr died. Reading her journal was not only enjoyable, but held many personal examples of people who were more interested in serving the Lord than themselves, and who threw themselves wholly on His grace and goodness.
Hopefully you found this as interesting and profitable as I did.
 

 

Adventures in Mother-land.

Such a morning has been had! Not only have I spent money, but also been to two different Starbucks I'd never been to before. Marvelous.
This morning found me with Kari, Sarah, and lots of women with children. If I hadn't been pushing a stroller, I would've felt quite out of place. As it was, though, I was able to overcome this to get to one of the main businesses of the day-- Buying things for Abigail and Gabriel! Offhand, I have no idea what the name of the place we went to was-- all I know was that it was a mass consignment sale of some sort, with hundreds of baby toys and clothes. An auntie or new mother's paradise! Thankfully, we were fortified with coffee, ready to take on anything... including any mothers who would dare to get in our way. Some of the conversations I overheard were exceedingly awkward, and not ones I would care to repeat... welcome to the world of pregnant women. Or women with babies. Or women with children.
One thing I learned-- if I'm going to be shopping at a baby place, or be around lots of pregnant women, wearing a babydoll style shirt is a bad idea. The advantage is that I blended in, I suppose. :/
Quite an interesting place, overall. I found it entertaining (and occasionally disturbing) to observe the "public" parenting of many people there. There's the mother that yells at her kid to be quiet, as well as the mother who doesn't care what her kid is up to. Or there are the mothers who smile and give their screaming kid whatever they want.
 It doesn't take long to get acclimated to random baby-ish shrieks coming from various directions. However, there was one thing that I couldn't quite feel comfortable with-- A woman asked me if I'd be interested in buying some body-re-shaping clothing. "We have some for post-partum, as well!" (she adds helpfully) I informed her that I was quite happy with my current body shape, so no, thank you. "Well, then, would you care to enter the drawing to possibly get some free?" Once again, I offered my polite (if slightly acidic) "No, thank you." (After that comes the false smile, of course. As well as me frantically wondering if I look pregnant.)
Another fun thing about being around that many people is all the conversations you overhear while standing in line, or while unobtrusively going through racks of 6-9 months baby clothes. I almost felt as if I was listening in on people's lives. One woman was giving quite the narrative to her friend... "So I was like, Fine, I've had it. If he doesn't want me, he's just not good enough for me! So, I'm like, totally gone."
I resisted the urge to turn around and ask if she was talking about her boss, her dog, or her boyfriend.
The other fascinating, if odd, one I heard was an indian man with an accent talking into his bluetooth. He'd been standing in line for quite some time, looking bored. Here and there I caught a snippet... "And, man, you would love it. Dude, I was going down this waterfall and..... Pretty awesome stuff man, ya know! Just wild." After listening to a few more tales of heroics and adventures, I decided that he was (at the very least) embellishing his story. He was one of three guys that I noticed there. Despite his butchering of the english language, I had to admire his tenacity for braving a sale like that.
One of the positive ends of all this: Abigail will soon be the proud (if unaware) owner of a pink poodle stuffed animal. Her name is Collette. Gabriel will have a sweet, if slightly funny-looking horse (or donkey-- it's hard to tell which he is) as a new cuddle bud. What can I say, I have a fetish for buying obscure stuffed animals. But they were so cute!
Anyway, I have lots of things that I should be doing, and blogging is not one of the necessities... therefore, adieu.

A note from Ryle.

Considering the fact that all of my recent posts have been largely narrative, or suggestions on various things, it's definitely time for a good, solid, quote. Or lengthy excerpt, in this case. I HIGHLY recommend reading it.

Thus, here are several thoughts from J.C. Ryle's "Expository Thoughts on the Gospels," Vol. I.
The passage of scripture he based this section on is Matthew II  1-12.

I'm not putting all his thoughts on this here-- instead, I'm picking and choosing.


....These verses teach us, that there may be knowledge of scripture in the head, while there is no grace in the heart. Mark how king Herod sends to inquire of the priests and elders "where Christ should be born." Mark what a ready answer they return him, and what an acquaintance with the letter of Scripture they show. But they never went to Bethlehem to seek for the coming Saviour. They would not believe in Him, when He ministered among them. Their heads were better than their hearts. --Let us beware of resting satisfied with head-knowledge. It is an excellent thing, when rightly used. But a man may have much of it, and yet perish everlastingly. What is the state of our hearts? This is the great question. A little grace is better than many gifts. Gifts alone save no one. But grace leads on to glory.
The conduct of the wise men described in this chapter is a splendid example of spiritual diligence. What trouble is must have cost them to travel from their homes to the house where Jesus was born! How many weary miles they must have journeyed! The fatigues of an Eastern traveller are far greater than we in England can at all understand. The time that such a journey would occupy must necessarily have been very great. The dangers to be encountered were neither few nor small. But none of these things moved them. They had set their hearts on seeing Him "that was born King of the Jews;" and they never rested till they saw Him. They prove to us the truth of the old saying, "Where there is a will there is a way."

It would be well for all professing Christians if they were more ready to follow the wise men's example. Where is our self-denial? What pains do we take about our souls? What diligence do we show about following Christ? What does our religion cost us? These are serious questions. They deserve serious consideration.
Last, but not least, the conduct of the wise men is a striking example of faith. They believed in Christ when they had never seen Him; but that was not all. They believed in Him when the Scribes and Pharisees were unbelieving; but that again was not all. They believed in Him when they saw Him a little infant on Mary's knee, and worshipped Him as a king. This was the crowning point of their faith. They saw no miracle to convince them. They heard no teaching to persuade them. They beheld no signs of divinity and greatness to overawe them. They saw nothing but a newborn infant, helpless and weak, and needing a mother's care like any one of ourselves. And yet when they saw that infant, they believed that they saw the divine Saviour of the world. "They fell down and worshipped Him."
We read of no greater faith than this in the whole volume of the Bible. It is a faith that deserves to be placed side by side with that of the penitent thief. The thief saw one dying the death of a malefactor, and yet prayed to Him, and "called Him Lord." The wise men saw a newborn babe on the lap of a poor woman, and yet worshipped Him and confessed that He was Christ. Blessed indeed are those that can believe in this fashion!
This is the kind of faith, let us remember, that God delights to honor. We see the proof of that at this very day. Wherever the Bible is read the conduct of these wise men is known, and told as a memorial of them. Let us walk in the steps of their faith. Let us not be ashamed to believe in Jesus and confess Him, though all around us remain careless and unbelieving. Have we not a thousand-fold more evidence than the wise men had, to make us believe that Jesus is the Christ? Beyond doubt we have. Yet where is our faith?

-- J. C. Ryle. 

Before I continue, (or rather, start) let me point out that the cheery ideas of hiking (in my last post) were indeed fulfilled... Later that day, I went up into federation forest with Julie Love. Absolutely stunning scenery. I love how close it is to home! But of course, as soon as I pulled out my camera, the three words flashing at me nearly made me cry... "No Memory Card."  Yeah. Of all the "disgustipating" things. Next time, I will not be found so ill-prepared.

Anyway, yesterday found mom, papa, and I in Leavenworth. (the bavarian-esque village, not the barbarian-esque prison) I have to admit that the scenery on the way there was the highlight. While the actual town was cute and nice, it didn't do much for me. But that's not to say that I wouldn't LOVE to go back. :-)  One of my favorite shops was obviously Chocolat.... But of course, since it was in the back of another store, we had to get through a salesman (whose wares were ridiculously overpriced, by the way) who kept telling us the translations to german words that we didn't really need to know. Gesthaus means hotel? What? NO WAY! Epiphany! Oh wait. Already knew that. Wunderbar means marvellous? Wow. This is just the highlight of my education. But it was worth it to get to the chocolate shop. The man behind the counter was perfect for the role. Snow white hair, sweater vest, tie, and... English accent. Yes. I felt like I was back in the Chelsea tea shop in Oxford. And of course I'm a fan of any man who tries to sell chocolate by giving whole truffles to people. "Oh, I see by your starbucks that you like coffee. Perhaps you would like to try this mocha java truffle?"  Why, yes, I'd love to!

But, chocolate and leavenworth aside, I have finally got a plan for tonight. After finishing all the things I have to do, I'm going to sit down and watch El Dorado. I've been wanting to for about a week. Now there's a classic John Wayne. Any movie that has John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, and James Caan has GOT to be amazing. At least I think so. But I'm slightly biased-- we've been watching that movie for years. My first memories of it include my dad covering my eyes when Alan Traherne (a.k.a. Mississippi)  makes his entrance by knifing a man, as well as getting my eyes covered when Thornton kisses Maudie. Yes indeed.  Although personally, I've always been of the persuasion that Charlene Holt (Maudie) only got a part in it because she was in some way related to The Duke. A niece, perhaps? Her acting is definitely the low-point of the movie.  However, she DID make it into an episode of Perry Mason, so there must be some ability there.
Actually, there are some fantastic quotes in that movie as well. The one I hear most often (and heard just the other day from papa) is "Can I ask you something?  Why do you wear your hair like a wild mustang that needs a curry comb and a brush?"  (Can I help it that my hair is a bit out of control after I take it down?)
As it turns out, the movie is based on a poem by Poe, which James Caan quotes in the movie. Yes, several members of our family have it memorized. That's what happens when you watch a movie a million times.

Gaily bedight,

A gallant knight,

In sunshine and in shadow,

Had journeyed long,

Singing a song,

In search of Eldorado.

And, as his strength 

Failed him at length, 

He met a pilgrim shadow;

"Shadow," said he,

"Where can it be,

This land of Eldorado?"

"Over the mountains

 Of the moon,

 Down the valley of the shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shade replied,--
"In search of Eldorado!"